I started running in 2008, and by the end of the summer of 2009, I was at an excellent level of fitness and technical skills on trails. In August of that summer, I entered the ruggedly technical and mountainous 80 miller trail race, the Iron Legs, in Kananaskis country. I was in second place by the time I started descending the infamous Cox hill, a 10 km steep and technical descent to Dawson station. In Dawson aid station, I noticed I had blown up my shins on that descent, so I walked the next 30 km and finished 13th place in agony with a shin tendonitis injury. The injury carried over to the next race a month later, the 100-km trail race called the lost soul, finishing in 21st place with a firmly established knee and shin injury that stayed with me for the following seven months.
The night before the Iron legs, I hardly got any sleep thinking about how to perform and stay ahead to finish on the podium. During the race, my primary focus was to keep Jeff and Mike, the top two runners, in eyesight. Two days before the race, I was in a physical and mental state to win; the night before the race, I had set things in motion to fail by focusing on someone else’s pace and compromising mine. As a result, I failed to perform on race day by chasing someone else and disregarding my own pace and skills. By focusing on the status, and success of other people, especially those close to us in any given circumstance, we compromise the potential for our strategies and efforts to preforms as intended and fail to succeed.
The following seven months after these two races, while I dealt with the injuries and downtime, I focused on reshaping my mindset. I learned to run free of expectations and focus on personal performance- I wanted to become a better version of myself. My ultimate goal in those months was to run purely for the joy of running, experience the trails for their purity and serenity, and teach my body to perform with the least effort. Finally, I reached a state of mind that my body was appreciating it very much and recovering at a great rate.
In 2010 I entered and completed three races: Blackfoot 50 miles (fifth overall), the gruesome Fat Dog 120 (fifth overall), and Iron Legs 50 miles (shaving three hours from the previous year’s finish time). 2010 was the year of perfect running performance and execution. My mind was in a unique space of freedom- I was in the zone. My body performed at a level my mind was directing it to. I had no expectations during all three races except being the best version of myself.
The most significant flaw in human nature is the drive and self-obligation to measure performance, success, and the value of achievements against those of others. We either use the achievement metrics and standards dictated by society’s norms or try to replicate them blindly from those around us- we think what works for others should work for us too.
We often go through life measuring ourselves against others, their opinions and expectations of us, their status and achievements, all dictating who we are or should be, what we should accomplish, and whom we will become if we don’t comply and conform. We have created the mental framework adopting these expectations and letting them affect our life performance. We are trying to run at someone else’s pace, and regardless of its outcome, we end up losing the freedom and joy of the experiences.
One of the universal commandments in all central religious and spiritual beliefs can be paraphrased into “ You shall not envy your neighbour, their possessions, and their achievements.”. Why is that? Why does freedom from envy stand out of all ethical principles and moral codes? Because it gives birth to greed and enforces a lifestyle of dissatisfaction. Consequently, we end up measuring the self-value and everything we have or have done against external factors. We construct and establish the wrong principles and become conformists obligated to comply with those principles. Climbing the ladder of corporate success becomes our ultimate success because of the foggy notions that only then we can reach and exceed the expectations; whose expectations? We go from outstanding athletes to constantly unhappy and grieving winners or losers. We descend from a free-thinker pioneer to a public speaker who is ever hungry and thirsty for public affirmation. We go from leading hearts and minds to managing rudimentary resources. We become a source of inspiration and then decline to the state of a “please like my Tweets.” mindset. We end up striving to comply with the governing rules of a rat race of conformity.
A very profound analogy is attributed to Jesus and depicted in the gospel of Mathew chapter 25. Some call it the parable of the talents; I instead call it the parable of privilege and responsibility. In this story, a master, before leaving for a trip, hands three bags of gold coins to three of his servants. The first one gets five coins, the second gets two, and the third one gets one coin. When the master returns, he calls them in to hold them accountable for how they have treated the gifts. The first one used his five coins to make extra five coins, the second one returned four coins, and the last one handed back the same coin he had been given because out of fear of losing it in an investment, he buried the coin. The story continues with the master praising the two servants, punishing the last one for his inaction and wasting the opportunity.
We all are born and raised with different sets of privileges granted to us from the outset and through life. No one can claim they deserve what they were given. Everything we are given to work with counts as a privilege. One is born into a healthy body and family in a developed country; another is born into adversity from day one. The privileges and opportunities we are entrusted with come with the responsibility to act on them to benefit others, our environment, and, subsequently ourselves. Each person is accountable for recognizing that no one is to be judged or measured against the privileges of others.
Life’s privileges vary throughout a person’s life. What we do with them and how we use them to benefit others and improve the quality of life for every living member of our environment is the ultimate principle to live by. To run your race at your own pace requires you to focus on your journey and optimize your performance by utilizing every gift you have been given or have acquired.
When we run the right race at our own pace, intending to become a better version of ourselves, we end up with the best version of ourselves, maximizing performance and optimizing our gifts, given the circumstances and opportunities. We end up enjoying the journey, whatever that might be, and in the end, knowing we did everything we could to make it a better place for ourselves and others.
Payman Janbakhsh, Ph.D.
